i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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