Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
