Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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