my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
