I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
