What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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