It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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