Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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