Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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