i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
