yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
3pm strippers are depressing
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
