Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You dont lie about slip and slides
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dicks are not precious.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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