If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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