Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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