i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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