Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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