It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
