happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
