when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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