We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
