woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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