Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
