I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My vagina is very pro this idea
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
