Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
