I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
