Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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