so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
