Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
