you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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