The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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