Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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