Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
