even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
