just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Shame is for Republicans.
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