He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We left the knife in your bed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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