the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Two words: blizzard sex
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
