There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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