How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Duck Duck Cougar?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
