I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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