I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
