Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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