3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
