Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
