Have you finally orgasmed yet?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
