Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
