Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
