I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
