I cannot find my penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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