Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
