my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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