Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
