I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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