I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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