YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
is that a dick in a sweater?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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