My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
