Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
