I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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