your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
