I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
