The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
