When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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