either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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