I bet he comes in French.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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