I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
