what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
