I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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