ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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