I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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